2017 Swill-Off

Summer Swill-Off, July 2017 – Asian Beers

What was I forgetting to do…. Hmmm…Pay the mortgage? No, I’m sure my wife did that…. Turn off the stove? Nope, that’s not it.
What could it be? What could it b…

OH CRAP!!! I forgot to post the Swill Off results! It’s my most important task of the year and I blew it! Bill was right. I’m just not cut out for this sort of thing.
Breathe, just breathe. They still love you. Let’s just pretend that I didn’t forget to post this and we’re only heading into to the weekend after the Swill Off (que the favorite time travel sound of your choosing). Ah here we go! It’s two weeks earlier. Nothings late, nobody’s mad at me. Okay, now we can continue!
Greetings Wizards! Welcome to the 2017 Swill Off! I know all of you that attended still have the memory of the event fresh in your head as it just happened earlier this week; but for those of you that missed it or just want to relive the non-stop fun and excitement we all had please use this extremely on time write up as your guide.

Let’s go over the ground rules! The theme of the evening was “Asian Beers”. So in order to be eligible the beer you brought had to be made in (or at least looked like it was) Asia. Yes that is correct we’re going to take an entire continent full of ancient and wondrous cultures and judge the whole place based upon their cheap beer exports. Scoring was done by the Wizard’s never-fail finger system (1 finger=horrible 5 fingers =sublime (and if you’re paying attention yes I did cut and paste this sentence from last year’s write-up (And I just did it again! (It’s kind of a thing now)))). I will list the beers as we had them to give you the chronological flow of the evening. I’ll also give you the beer’s score, average and where it ranked with it’s the others.

Ok that’s enough, you’ve waited for far too long, you’ve barley waited at all and that’s a good thing! So here it is your 2017 Wizard’s Swill Off!

We began the dividing up the beer by the country of origin, just like the Europeans that divided up the continent in colonial times.

1. Sapporo light – Cambodia (by way of Wisconsin)- We started our evening in Cambodia with this little treat that had mixed results. I’ve had water with more flavor, but it’s not offensive I wish America could brew like this. Very light. Light. This is terrible, no/yes!!! Overall this beer scored ok with 31 points for an average of 2.21.
   
2. Hitachino Nest Beer Japan- From Cambodia we moved to the nation of Japan. It was pretty much a Japanese Wit Beer. This offering had some detractors but overall did quite nicely. “Better than the last one isn’t it?” “Very cloudy.” “Offensively vile.” “$13 a bottle” (no word on if that is a good or bad point). Good choice. There was then a big salt conversation and what that’s meant for the world. This beer did get Bill’s now famous temper going when he started yelling at Dr. Craig for seemingly no reason. Nest beer did very well, receiving 45 points for an average of 3.21
   
3. Aschi Japan- In 11.8 oz. cans instead of 12 ounces. This beer’s most noticeable characteristics were its lite appearance and even lighter taste. “like bud light”. “Better than the Sapporo.” “Just not good.” “It has a finish.” Around this time Dr. Craig informed me that I have poor object permanence and thought the best remedy for this malady was to mock my short comings. Ah, the unforgiving life of a Narrator. Also this beer scored horribly! Getting only 21 points for an 1.5 average.
   
4. Sapporo regular l- Cambodia (by way of Canada)- This was a late entrant that came in after the great dividing of nations so we found ourselves being brought back to the Country of Cambodia. I love travel! While this beer did better than Sapporo light it wasn’t by much, but still did ok in the overall perspective of the night. “No body. Even in the can it’s got that cardboard flavor.” “I still prefer the light one.” “It has a Japanese water profile.” “I’m sweaty” (that’s me, it’s freaking hot in here). Bill- Shut UP Pat! There were also some noticeable grimaces with this beer, but overall it scored ok. 36 points- 2.57 average
   
5. Flying Horse Royal- India- Welcome to the exotic tropical subcontinent of India! This is easily my favorite name of the night! I just picture Vincent and Jules saying this over and over again in their conversations. While the name was freaking awesome the rest of the beer left much to be desired. It was a very light beer that was plagued by off-flavors “They ferment it in giant clear containers.” “Oh man!” “Egh!” “There is a lot of skunking for a clear beer.” “Surprisingly malty.” This beer had major flaws, and there wasn’t much to it to help try and hide these. On the bright side we did get the quote of the night from this beer ***You just have to get past the smell and the flavor. **Points- 1.57 22 points – 1.57 average

6. Kingfisher India – “It was made with an Indian water profile- They have to have clean water somewhere in that country.” “Sulfury- used can smell.” “The water has left over climbing equipment in it.” “No body.” “No finish.” “Very astringent.” “Ohhh” (not in a good way). “Would you be disappointed if you had to brew this for a living?” 26 points 1.86
   
7. Tiger – Singapore- So we left India after a rather disappointing stay. Unfortunately our fortunes in Singapore weren’t any better. “A pacific Heineken.” “Oh, this is bad.” We actually had a nice street fighter conversation regarding the mini boss Sagat. For those who want to learn more about this imposing character you can do so here. Dave at this point was is double fisting kimchi. “Really not good” ( the beer, not the kimchi). “Oh shit” (not in a good way) Lots of bitter beer face was on display with this one. 24 points 1.71

At this point the unthinkable was brought up as it usually is every year. There was a motion to do away with the swill off. I know, I know. Sacrilege!!! I know what you’re thinking “how is it unthinkable if it’s always brought up?” To which I say. “Be quiet, it just is” Besides if I can’t explain it to you in words please allow me to do so with a picture:

Just look at that face. That joyous, happy face. That is the face of a man that has forgotten all of his troubles for a little and can just feel good to be in the company of friends and beer. That my friends is what the swill off is all about. Now please, let’s continue.

8. Beerlao – Laos- this beer was a bit of a bounce back from the last few beers. “Very card-boardy“ “Malty” “?” “That was actually beer? “ “A failed Vienna lager.” “The first ingredient is rice????” Yes, yes it was. 32 points 2.29 average.
   
9. Yanjing – China- We ended our night’s travels in China. It was here that we discussed the belief that Humans ae great over long distances. At first this seemed extremely laughable given the current state of health for most humans. However there is some sound belief behind this notion. See for yourself here. The kimchi is still a big hit. There were some quotes too: “Nice picture of the great wall on the bottle.” “I tasted skunk on the first sip.” “It held up well on the trip.” 34pts 2.43 average

It was after this we decided to back home. The big winner of the night was……..Hitachino Nest Beer from Japan! If not for the points they we’d have to give it to it just for the Happy Bill picture that it helped to produce up above. The other winner of the night was the freakin heat, I’m not kidding it was ridiculous in that place.

That about does it for yet another successful swill off and this write up. I hope you enjoyed this very punctual and timely review. Don’t forget to mark your calendars for next July when we’ll do it all again! Until next year!

Pat